38 Weeks – officially “term,” and baby could come at any time!
And, although I am very excited to meet and hold our precious baby girl, I’m nervous, too. She is still in a breech position, which means she will need to be born via C-section. Because I have a bicornuate uterus, my babies have less “room,” which makes it much harder and less likely that they can turn this far along. The surgery is scheduled for May 2nd – only a week away!
I’ve never written in detail about Matthew’s C-section – it was too traumatic, too painful … and who wants to read that anyway? I’d rather focus on the miracle that his is, and the beautiful boy he’s grown up to be! But, the last several weeks, as I face having surgery again, I’ve found myself remembering and re-living all of the difficult details of Matthew’s birth.
I know it will be different this time. I know that a planned C-section for a healthy baby is much different than an emergency surgery for a baby who is not expected to live. I know that the lack of emotional trauma will make the whole experience different. I know that my doctor won’t try to cut me before I’m numb, and I know that my husband will be able to be with me the whole time this time. I know that spinal anesthesia will be better than general, and that I will get to see and hold my little girl right away, instead of waiting 12 hours to recover from the side-effects of anesthesia. And, I know that I will be able to be with my baby this time, instead of in a different wing of the hospital.
I also know that the physical recovery after a C-section is not easy. After Matthew, it took me 10 to 12 weeks to feel human again, and a full year to feel like my body was back to “normal.” I know that taking care of Matthew and Jesse after surgery will be really difficult, and that’s what I worry most about: How will I be able to be the Mommy I need to be to my four precious little ones?
My prayer is this:
Lord, if possible, please help this baby girl turn over and spare me the surgery. If You have a reason that I need to go through it though, Lord … if it is Your plan, then please give me peace, comfort, and a quick recovery. I trust You, and I surrender to Your will. Our baby girl and I are both in Your hands. Amen.
And, I have been given a lot more peace this past week. I have found myself overwhelmed with joy and gratitude as I look at my 3 beautiful boys, and I know that I would do anything – sacrifice anything – for them. We are so blessed to be able to add a 4th child to our family, when so many women with the same uterine abnormality that I have either can’t get pregnant, or miscarry in their 2nd or 3rd trimester. I have been blessed to be able to have 2 of the boys without surgery, and I am blessed to have such a supportive and loving husband, family, and group of incredible friends who have all said they will help me as much as I can as I recover.
Keep us in your prayers during this next week, and we’ll post some pictures of Baby Girl Vawter as soon as we can!